In “The Dangers of Reality TV” Timothy Sexton explains how reality TV pursue young fans in a negative way. According to Sexton, reality TV is promoting that competition is essential, it also creates an illusion that image is more significant than ability, and reality TV is implying that education is trivial. These messages are dangerous because it is molding the mind of young fans. Reality TV has a great influence on these young people and something has to be done to stop this now.
Reality TV should be band from influencing our youth especially when it is implying that education is unnecessary. It will destroy their minds and cause the younger population to become illiterates. Further more reality TV have episodes that parents would not agree or allow there children to watch. These episodes are exposing young kids to drugs and alcohol substances. These are not great quality that children should be exposes to. We need to put a stop to those reality shows that encourage our children to behavior in a negative fashion.
The reason why I feel so intense about reality TV molding young fans life mostly is because I have young children. My children love watching reality TV and so on, but when I see things like young adults drinking and smoking on reality TV. After I just had a conversation with my children about saying no to drugs and alcohol it bothers me. In addition I do not like how education is looked at as something that is not cool for young fans. Education is needed in our life with out it we will all be illiterate.
In my life experiences I always believed that what a child encounter while growing up will have an affect on their future. When reality TV send out messages that education is not necessary to accomplish the American dream. I taught back to what my children principal spoke about at a meeting. She explained to us that jails are build according to fourth grader's performance. If that is the case reality TV is dangerous to our children development. Now is the time to make sure our children have a fantastic upbringing so jail will not be their second residence.
Now that we are knowledgeable about reality TV and their dangerous messages, we can better prepare our children about the negativity that they will faces in the future. Therefore when their are interrupted with question like '' Why go to school and face the difficulties of learning something when you can just get on fear factor, eat bugs, and walk away with a bucket of money? '' Another thing our children will be faces with is drugs and alcohol product do to watching reality TV. I hope one day those individual who are behind reality TV will charge the way they expose young fans in a negative way. After all raising children is an arduous task, but we have to continue to be our children role model.
First of all, I think you do a great job expressing your opinions. If we were to break down your essay by paragraphs, this is what each one would tell me..."
ReplyDeleteFirst Paragraph
1) Promotes competition
2) Creates an illusion that image is more significant than ability (You don't really explain why in your essay.)
3) Education is trivial (Again in your essay it doesn't really state as to why it is.)
4) It is dangerous in molding the mind of children
5) Something has to be done to stop it.
Paragraph Two
1) You answer part five in your first paragraph and explain that it should be banned
2) You go on and further explain part four in your first paragraph and explain that it can make them illiterate (you don't explain why though), you say that it exposes children to drugs and alcohol (can you give an example of a show that might do this and how it does it?)
Paragraph Three
1) You explain the reason why you feel this way which is your children and you explain that education is important in a child's life (why?)
Paragraph Four
1) You give a personal example which was at a school meeting... Jails are built according to 4th graders performance (This was a bit unclear to me and I would suggest you further explain what you meant.." Are you saying that if a 4th grader is bad, than a jail will be built? Why the fourth grade?)
Paragraph Five
1) You offer another solution which is to talk to our children and be their role model.
2) In one part you say "Individuals who are behind reality TV will "charge" the way.." (explain this further because it is a bit unclear.. did you mean "change" the way?)
Suggestions
Overall it is a good paper, again you do a great job explaining your points, but I feel that you need to strengthen them further by giving examples from the article as well and also further explaining your ideas.
You also have some grammatical errors mostly relating to past tense. I would suggest you make an appointment in your schools writing center and focus on this, they might have exercise sheets to help you practice and enforce this.
Hello. I am a student in Dr. X’s class and I was asked to give you feedback on your revision of CAT1.First of all, I think your claim is very clear, because you agree with the author’s opinion and give some examples which are from your life experience. Next, your reasons connect to the topic well and are easy to understand. One reason I liked was you use your experience with your children to support your thesis and these evidence convince me. However, I found a lot of grammar mistakes and I think you need spend more time on it. Overall, the essay is good.
ReplyDeleteThis is what I got from reading you blog, you didn't explain enough about any of your claims.For example you didn't explain image over ability nor did you explain about education, like what are the dangers of being uneducated, give some examples or personal input, go into the details of it. Furthermore, your 4th grader story was very unclear to me, I couldn't attached this to your blog at all. Overall, you need stretch your examples out in detail so the reader could understand were your going with your story.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your opinion Daniela I really appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteI think you have all the elements you need for a successful essay here: a decent summary,a main point that you stick to, some concrete detail from your life, and a (somewhat) integrated quote from the reading. Keep on practicing and it will pay!
ReplyDelete